How to Stay Single

After yet another break up, I decided that I didn't want boyfriends anymore. I could do without them... at least for a little while. I just had one problem. I had never been able to go without a boy in my life for longer than four months since my sophomore year of high school. This was not something I did on purpose.

_____________________________________________________

They say that as soon as you stop looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend that that's when you get one. This saying always did me more bad than good since I never wanted a boyfriend to begin with. Every time I ended a relationship, I was slightly relieved. Sad too, of course, but always relieved. I had no one to take care of or worry about anymore. I had way more time to hang out with my friends, and I could flirt with anyone I wanted. It was nice and easy.

_____________________________________________________

After dealing with a really tough break up with Ace and being dumped by Taylor, I decided that I would last longer than four months without a boyfriend. So I came up with the dumbest idea I have ever had, have crushes on boys with girlfriends. This way, I would never ever reveal my feelings for the boy, and I had no chance of ever becoming their girlfriends. I gave the boys in my life way too much credit.

You see, in my head there is nothing worse than a cheater. Someone who sleeps with other girls on the side while the idiot girlfriend continues to go on as if her boyfriend was as great as she thinks he is. Being as sheltered as I was, I thought most people felt this way. Only really scumbag guys on reality tv with too much liquor cheated, not nice, preppy boys from the university. Boy, was I wrong.

________________________________________________

My first "guy with a girlfriend" crush was a friend from high school who happened to go to the same university as me. His name was Steven. He had dark hair, dark eyes and tan skin. He played baseball, and he drove the hottest car I had ever seen. A 1969 Mustang Mach 1, red with white racing stripes. Just watching him drive by gave me goosebumps in all the right places.

Steven had been coming over and hanging out at my dorm, and we had even cuddled on my bed a time or two. I had fooled myself into thinking that the line between cheating and not cheating was purely physical. He had only cheated on his girlfriend if he kissed me. I had very strict, stupid rules about that.

One night we decided to go to the movies, and we accidentally chose a row which the arm rests didn't go up. Damn it, I though to myself. I was lonely, and I wanted to feel the arms of a cute boy around me. I kept stuffing down all of the sirens in my head going off - THIS IS WRONG... THIS IS SOMEONE'S BOYFRIEND. The selfish voices in my head were much louder - HE NEVER KISSED YOU... YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG... YOU DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND... IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO MAKE SURE HE IS FAITHFUL TO HIS GIRLFRIEND.

The louder side won. I hopped to the row behind us (that row had arm rests that moved) trying to act playful, but he knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it. He looked back at me and smiled his charming smile. "Don't you want to sit next to me?" I said and smiled my girlish smile.

"We just were sitting next to each other, and then you jumped over there" he responded, baiting me.

"I don't like those seats" I said batting my eyes. "Come back here." He quickly sat up and jumped to the seat next to me. My heart skipped a beat, and my face flushed. The movie started, and he put his arm around me.

A few weeks later, we both had some free time, and we decided to go to the beach. He came to my dorm, and as I ran outside to his car he was looking me up and down. I was in the shortest shorts I owned, and a see-through shirt over my bikini top. We talked as he wove through traffic in the sexiest car I had ever been in.

When we finally got to the beach, it was getting cooler, and we were getting hungry. We grabbed a slice of pizza, and took it out to the sand. We just sat and ate in silence for a few minutes when he brought up his girlfriend, Jess. He had talked about her a few times before, but nothing serious. They had been together for three years, and he was bored. He told me that she wasn't so great in bed, and he complained about her for a bit. When he was finished I asked, "so why are you staying with someone you are bored with at 19? It doesn't really make any sense to me. We are too young to be bored." He mentioned that his love for her was fading, and just kept on complaining.

He was beginning to bore me. If I wanted to talk and hear about relationship problems, I would be in one of my own by now. So I tackled him, and we started wrestling. He picked me up, and ran around with my over his shoulder. I laughed and screamed and laughed. He threw his body on the sand, and I jumped on top claiming that I had pinned him. Then he pinned me, and our faces got close. Too close. I told him I was getting tired, and he nodded and said it was time to go.

That was the last time we ever hung out alone.

____________________________________________

I wish I could say that I learned my lesson that night. That I never crushed on a guy with a girlfriend again, but I would be lying and leaving out a huge part of my life. Noah.